?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Trust No One. [entries|friends|calendar]
My Life As An X-File By Fox Mulder

[ website | My Website ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

See The Truth..

Restart!!!! Attention!!! [13 Feb 2009|04:27pm]
This RolePlaying journal is now being restarted for Awareness Dawns, and if you are looking for Espa's journal, it is occultbishie. This one was formerly that of Fox Mulder in a different game, and is returning to that purpose for the new game, simply because the name fits. I have too much to do to bother deleting old entries, so this is simply a separator and blah blah blah.

THIS IS NOW THE JOURNAL FOR FOX MULDER IN AWARENESS DAWNS, NOT THAT OF ROBA ESPA FROM THAT TRASHY ASS GAME WITH THE LOWLIFE PLAYERS I ONCE ASSOCIATED WITH, KTHXBAI.

1 Open Eye ? See The Truth..

[06 Jun 2008|09:47pm]
Yuugi-san, I'm sorry that we never had the chance to meet and that Yami-koi and I missed your party. I was out for a walk and got... well, attacked, and Yami had to take care of me. Why are there so many homophobes in this town?

Well, I'll probably have to interview with the detectives again today... It was weird, the reading I got from the female. She's too sensitive for such a job, but well, I don't even know if I'll press charges. All that matters is that I'm okay, and I'll bring you your present whenever I can. I'm disappointed... I'd looked forward to meeting you, and I've never been to a birthday party, but Happy Birthday anyways.

I don't know where Eris is, but I need to start training, and I have more work to do, and I'd like him to help with the kids. I hope he's not off getting drugs, but he's blocked off our link.

Mmmm... My Sun? Last night was fun, I have some ideas for tonight~ *smirks*

See The Truth..

Damnit... [04 Jun 2008|11:43pm]
Espa is in the hospital. I guess I'm heading there now with my brothers. Yami, that's why we aren't here, but I'm guessing it won't matter after what happened with the two of you.

We don't have any friends, so I don't expect visitors, just posting in case anyone needed to know.

14 Open Eyes ? See The Truth..

I'll force myself to get out of bed today, I swear... *owwwww* [02 Jun 2008|02:02pm]
...

Things have been rough, but I suppose the good news first?

You may now call me Khemetsi Espa, as Yami has taken me as his bonded and husband. I have to buy him a nicer ring when I can afford it, though. He's been so kind to me, and so understanding of my issues, and I love him dearly. I've never known anyone so wonderful. I screwed up... I had some issues yesterday, but we worked through them, even though it  hurt a lot. Not many would have stood by me, but he is the purity inside my darkness, and I would do anything for him. He's my whole world, and I was so foolish... A lot of his work was destroyed in the argument, which I regret deeply. He creates works of such beauty and passion, and it's my fault... I have to fix this somehow. I'll be strong for him, I'll learn to be pure and in control, because my Sun is my Everything, and I could never intentionally hurt him or lose him, when I never expected a chance to know such joy.

My Sun... I hope you do know how I love you, and that it was a horrible lapse in judgement. I'm not used to the light that one such as you carries, so blindingly beautiful, and I haven't known how to handle everything. Thank you so much for taking care of me last night... I don't deserve you, but I'll work hard to, because I can't live without you. You are more sacred to me than air, and I wish so badly I could just wash away the pain and concern I caused you. I want nothing more in this world than to be the cause for your smile, the one who gives you what you don't even realize you need, my love, my joy, my beautiful world. You call yourself a simple craftsman, but you are so much deeper than that... Still, I love the feel of how rough your fingertips are on my skin. *smiles dreamily.

Deleted Screen to Kage with a note from MunCollapse )

Private - 90% NOT HackableCollapse )

4 Open Eyes ? See The Truth..

Laughter is such a curiously morbid thing. [28 May 2008|12:17pm]
When it seems
Like the world around you's breaking
And it feels
Like there's no one else around you
And it's quiet
There's a silence in
the darkness
And it sounds
Like the carnival is over

[ In the Dark by Tiesto, with subliminal messages added by Espa ]
__________________

And then, the empty spaces in your eyes
As you fail to decipher another page
This city is full of despair and lies
What is another victim to dark rage?

[ Roba Espa, age 17]

Red red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red ragegar der deRed red rage //
pooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood..doolb eht ni gniloopooling in the blood...

4 Open Eyes ? See The Truth..

Recent Events [25 May 2008|10:14am]
I'm back, and safe now, thanks to Ba'Kura and Bakura. My family and I are deeply in their debt, though I don't know how we'll repay them.

*has to think for a moment with his head on the desk, not used to being on the criminal element's side or how to phrase this*

You brothel idiots should take the bloodbath that occurred there as fair warning and back the hell off, if you don't want to suffer the same fate. Domino is spoken for, and it's leaders won't hesitate to bring you a great deal of agony no matter what the Yakuza might say. They know their city, and they'll know when and where rats like you strike, and you'll regret it, because you have no idea who you're up against or the resources at their disposal.

My Sun, I'm so glad you were there, even though I was ashamed for you to see me like that. It meant so much to me to know that you cared, when I felt like giving up.

Screened to the male Bakura-sanCollapse )

12 Open Eyes ? See The Truth..

Eris again, yeah fuck it, I'm dropping the pseudonyms 'cause we're fucked anyways. [24 May 2008|12:39pm]
I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm leaving my brothers for a little while to go score something, but I'll be careful. I'm mostly leaving this as a note for you, Yami-san, so that you'll know when I check back in, and to warn you I'll probably be stoned. But it's fucking lame to sit here and not do anything, and maybe if I'm drugged I can communicate with Espa better because of his condition. Yeah, might as well use his real fucking name since they know it. And we got another murder letter today... God, I don't want to deal with life at all right now, but I'm carrying, just in case I run into the wrong 'dealers.'

One of my new regulars wants me to do a reading, too, so it might be over an hour. I would just rather not take my brothers into the part of town I'm heading over to, so...

*kicks the wall in frustration, shoving the knife into his jeans* Whatever. It's not fucking right, to deal with this bullshit after everything we already dealt with, and I'm sick of it. I know part of it is that the lack of sleep and trying to use my powers 24/7, but damn, it feels like I have bugs crawling through my brain and I have to go do something. Oh, and just in case, you should know they stripped his hair back to the natural color because of his green roots, and he had some piercings he was going to surprise you with. So, yeah... that's all I fucking have to say for now. If any NON-psychopath whores need me, I'll be the pissed off kid with blue hair and a knife, so don't fuck with me right now. I dyed my brothers hair black so they'd be all normal looking, and changed their contacts, but maybe if I keep the weird coloring, these fuckers will come after me and we can throw down.

7 Open Eyes ? See The Truth..

Oh my god... [22 May 2008|01:15pm]
This is Sirea... Yami-san, did my brother ever make it to work? Because I think something happened this morning on his way. I was only on my second cup of coffee, but I heard him screaming in my head and I think some kids with a van tricked him and took him somewhere. He's been so happy lately that he hasn't been as paranoid of people, and they said they needed directions...

The one that came up to him had her hair dyed weird like his so he thought she was just having problems getting directions from adults that don't like that look, but I think they took him to some kind of whorehouse, and now I can't get him to answer me at all. I'm pretty sure he's drugged...

What am I supposed to do and what am I supposed to tell our brothers? Everyone be careful, don't get close to vans... and if you see Jipu, please tell me.

28 Open Eyes ? See The Truth..

[12 May 2008|08:18pm]
i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you so quite new

~ e.e. cummings

Things have been so unusual... Living in fear, and yet I met the most amazing person. Found out that when you drop the fear, you can discover beauty. Found out what it's like to be touched... really touched... without it becoming dangerous. Had an experience - a shared dream - which, for all my arguments against it, feels more like a memory, just like my readings, than a dream. Can apparently speak a few phrases in Egyptian now, not that I could tell you what they mean. And I have a job, with the man I'm courting and being courted by... Life sure did change in just a day's time. His name is Yami... And he's an amazing artist, and an incredible person. I guess that's why I wanted to post that pervy poetry... because... it so so quite new a thing, and I like kissing this and that of his.

I need to go do some work now, but I think I'll be seeing the world in a different light now, and I hope that Eris and the others will, too. I do wonder, though, if reincarnation is real, and if it works in such a convenient way that I was in Egypt 3000 years ago.

See The Truth..

Does rain wash away our sins or only blur them? [10 May 2008|03:07pm]
It was raining today. That's a good omen, I believe... the washing away of the sins of the world in crystal drops that shimmer like tiny and sharp jewels of light. I did not like that it was gray because of the clouds, but we kept all the lights on and played DDR. I need more work - the rent on this place is fairly cheap, but it would mean so much to have a place to stay, to settle, to make our own, you know? I posted some signs for anyone needing a reading for cheap, so we'll see how that goes, but for now I'm doing odd jobs and applying to university.

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]